mosquito parents.
I had just fallen into a deep sleep. The kind that happens in a matter of seconds as the result of minimal sleep and the knowledge that there is no time to drift and settle. That’s when I felt the slightest of stings on the inside of my forearm. It was enough to wake me into a groggy version of awake that I tend to function in from 9pm to 7am. That’s when I heard the buzz and knew it was a mosquito. Alarmed, I tucked Kale closer to me and scanned the vicinity for the culprit. I called for Kris who came in, turned the lights on, sat on the bed and waited until the mosquito showed itself before squishing it with precision.
This is when I had one of those moments that dawn on me with such force that I can’t even pretend for one second to ignore it - the voice that tells me “you are a parent. you are YOUR parents.”
I have always had a major hate on for mosquito’s. This is likely because mosquito’s seem to pick me out of a crowd and feast on me regardless of the amount of bug spray I’ve covered myself in. They leave little bites that swell into abnormally large bumps that itch for days, disappear, and then return to itch with a vengence.
When I was little I would often wake to the buzz of a mosquito hovering nearby and I would holler for my mom. She’d come running and I’d tell her what was wrong and she’d turn the lights on, sit on bed and wait until the mosquito showed itself before squishing it with precision.
Sometimes when I was up in the middle of the night with a migraine and hanging over the toilet, my mom would wake up, check on me and then go downstairs to make a cup of tea, or crawl back into bed, knowing there wasn’t much she could do for me. But with a mosquito - she’d be there, she’d wait with me and she’d protect me.
That’s what parents do.
survival.
We survived! Our first week without Kris and we’re all still alive to talk about it. I must admit that this was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Gone was the sweet baby boy who slept for three hour stretches in the night. He was replaced by a little monkey who screamed inconsolably for an hour before bed every night and woke up every hour and a half. Thankfully I had visitors every day that would give me a bit of a break, but of course Kale was always on his best behaviour during these times. Then yesterday morning he had a massive throw up all over me and my sweet baby boy returned just in time for a visit with Nana E. Kris got home last night and Kale has been great ever since. I’m hoping that this week was just the result of a growth spurt or some gas issues.
We are about to have another beautiful weekend and so we’re all looking to take advantage of the sunshine and baby smiles.
i think we're alone now.
It was a long weekend of high’s and low’s for the Ellery Krahl family. Saturday was a high because our good friends Steve and Emily made the trip down (over?) from Toronto to meet Kale. Babies look almost as good on Emily as her new engagement ring!! Kale was on his best behaviour - sleeping for most of their visit, which included lunch at the pub so the guys could watch soccer and hockey. He was demonstrating how easy babies are in his own bid to encourage them to have one of their own. I won’t mention what he did after they left, but apparently being on your best behaviour can be a lot of work and he felt the need to express to us how difficult it had been for him.
We knew Sunday was our last day together before Kris returned to work and the sunshine was out so we tried to make the best of the day. We picked up some iced coffee and headed to one of Guelph’s incredible parks for a walk and a sit by the river. After that we drove out to Elora and took a little tour along the Elora Gorge. We had to make a short pit stop in a parking lot on the way home so I could nurse Kale, but other than that, he was once again on his best behaviour.
Kale seems to have called dibs on being fussy between 7-9pm, so Sunday night we tried to do all things calming - gave him a bath, put him in a fresh diaper, nursed him, read to him… he was still fussy, but seemed to be a bit better.
Monday morning rolled around and Kris had to leave for work. We’ve been dreading this moment and it was equally hard on all three of us. Kale decided to wake up shortly after Kris left at 5am and stay up, so it wasn’t a very good start to the day for us. He was back to sleep by 9am and so I plopped him in the sling and did the dishes and laundry before settling into a shady spot on the back deck for some reading. Niki came over in the afternoon to keep us company which was really nice. She managed to distract him long enough so that I could cook dinner and do some more laundry. When she left, Kris’s mom came over and I was able to eat dinner and talk to Kris for awhile.
Later that night Kale went through his usual fuss period, which is tough to handle when you’ve been up since 5am after 4 hours of sleep. Eventually we made it to bed and had a pretty good night’s sleep. Waking up this morning it felt good to know that we made it through our first 24 hours without Kris. Now…only three more days to go…..
2 weeks too fast.
I started this entry by saying that I can hardly believe that Kale is two weeks old today. Then I deleted that because as I sat and thought about it, it’s actually really hard to believe that there was life before Kale just two short weeks ago. As corny and cliche as this may sound, I feel like our lives just started two weeks ago. I can’t really remember what it was like without him around. My work, which is what my life previously revolved around, is like a faded memory from a lifetime ago. So yeah - he’s two weeks old but it seems like a lifetime (in the best way possible).
However, life will return to some sort of normalcy for Kris on Monday when he goes back to work and parenting is going to be a whole different ballgame for me without a second set of hands around from Monday to Thursday. The situation is not ideal, but it’s the way things are for now. I have to remind myself of this more and more as we get closer to Monday. I’m not going to lie - I’ve shed my share of tears about it. I’m worried about handling it all on my own. About adjusting to this new pace of life. But then I remind myself that I have a great support network here. That I really won’t be on my own all the time. That this is just the way things are for now.
As Monday creeps closer and closer, I’ve tried to take some steps to prepare myself. I’ve stopped waking Kris up at night for diaper changes when I get up to nurse Kale and just do it myself. This morning Kris had some errands to do and I actually managed to have a shower while he was gone. Kale slept in his carseat on the bathroom floor and I poked my head out every three seconds when I heard the smallest sound - but whatever, I showered! After that I put Kale in his vibrating chair that he has previously hated, but decided he loved this morning and I was able to get dressed. Then I put a sleeping Kale into the sling and got the dishes done and cleaned up his room. I was quite impressed with myself. Quite impressed indeed!
Nevertheless, I know that a few hours on our own is a lot different than a few days on our own and so I’m still nervous about it all. Until then, we’re going to enjoy this weekend and enjoy each other.
However, life will return to some sort of normalcy for Kris on Monday when he goes back to work and parenting is going to be a whole different ballgame for me without a second set of hands around from Monday to Thursday. The situation is not ideal, but it’s the way things are for now. I have to remind myself of this more and more as we get closer to Monday. I’m not going to lie - I’ve shed my share of tears about it. I’m worried about handling it all on my own. About adjusting to this new pace of life. But then I remind myself that I have a great support network here. That I really won’t be on my own all the time. That this is just the way things are for now.
As Monday creeps closer and closer, I’ve tried to take some steps to prepare myself. I’ve stopped waking Kris up at night for diaper changes when I get up to nurse Kale and just do it myself. This morning Kris had some errands to do and I actually managed to have a shower while he was gone. Kale slept in his carseat on the bathroom floor and I poked my head out every three seconds when I heard the smallest sound - but whatever, I showered! After that I put Kale in his vibrating chair that he has previously hated, but decided he loved this morning and I was able to get dressed. Then I put a sleeping Kale into the sling and got the dishes done and cleaned up his room. I was quite impressed with myself. Quite impressed indeed!
Nevertheless, I know that a few hours on our own is a lot different than a few days on our own and so I’m still nervous about it all. Until then, we’re going to enjoy this weekend and enjoy each other.
the perfect day.
This morning we went to our midwife and Kale is now a whopping 7lbs. 12oz. Basically he’s huge and will want to borrow the car by next week.
After the midwife we went over to a pub for lunch and enjoyed the patio. Kale snoozed in his carseat in the shade before demanding his own meal just as soon as my burger arrived. Once that was taken care of we took a cruise in the stroller downtown, stopped in at our favourite bookstore and then the local market to find something for dinner. Kale and I took a long afternoon nap on the couch while Kris took care of the weeds in the yard. I woke up with him and the cat curled up on the floor beside us. This is as close to a family cuddle that we get these days! We actually managed to put together a meal of chicken, mushrooms and potatoes for dinner. This is the first meal we’ve had to cook since we’ve been living off of things people have dropped off for us, cereal and sandwiches for the past week and a half. We even went out for ice cream this evening before settling in to watch Glee. What all of this sums up to is the best day ever. I never imagined that we would be doing any of this with an 11 day old baby. I thought that we would be stumbling around, confused and deprived of sleep - unable to focus on objects more than a foot away. Stressed. Tired. I thought I would be going without a shower for days with grungy pj’s covered in spit up.
I’m not saying that we don’t have stressful moments. That there haven’t been times where I’ve had to pass Kale over to Kris so that I can be alone, sleep for an hour, catch my breath and my sanity. There’s breast milk on everything. We slept with Kale’s pee on our duvet cover for two nights before I finally put it in the laundry. It’s not that I haven’t had a few tears. It’s just that the good outweighs those little moments with such extraordinary weight.
Extraordinary.
After the midwife we went over to a pub for lunch and enjoyed the patio. Kale snoozed in his carseat in the shade before demanding his own meal just as soon as my burger arrived. Once that was taken care of we took a cruise in the stroller downtown, stopped in at our favourite bookstore and then the local market to find something for dinner. Kale and I took a long afternoon nap on the couch while Kris took care of the weeds in the yard. I woke up with him and the cat curled up on the floor beside us. This is as close to a family cuddle that we get these days! We actually managed to put together a meal of chicken, mushrooms and potatoes for dinner. This is the first meal we’ve had to cook since we’ve been living off of things people have dropped off for us, cereal and sandwiches for the past week and a half. We even went out for ice cream this evening before settling in to watch Glee. What all of this sums up to is the best day ever. I never imagined that we would be doing any of this with an 11 day old baby. I thought that we would be stumbling around, confused and deprived of sleep - unable to focus on objects more than a foot away. Stressed. Tired. I thought I would be going without a shower for days with grungy pj’s covered in spit up.
I’m not saying that we don’t have stressful moments. That there haven’t been times where I’ve had to pass Kale over to Kris so that I can be alone, sleep for an hour, catch my breath and my sanity. There’s breast milk on everything. We slept with Kale’s pee on our duvet cover for two nights before I finally put it in the laundry. It’s not that I haven’t had a few tears. It’s just that the good outweighs those little moments with such extraordinary weight.
Extraordinary.
meeting of the great.
On Friday Kale met his Great Nana and Great Papa, who made a special trip from Napanee to meet their great grandson. They are staying with Kris’s parents for a few days and so we went back over this afternoon for another visit. We weren’t two seconds in the door when Great Nana had scooped up Kale and planted herself in the rocker. I can’t blame her - he’s pretty irresistable.
It’s pretty amazing that Kale has such a huge and amazing family that already loves him so much. Three of my four grandparents died before I was born and the fourth passed away when I was two, so the fact that Kale has all his grandparents and even GREAT grandparents is awesome.
Today we went for a walk to the park down the street for us. We sat on a bench and while Kale nursed, I thought about how much fun it will to play at the park when he’s older. When he’s interested in more than just boobs.
Later on we actually managed to get to the mall - something we’d been attempting to do for days but failed due to laziness and my inability to tear myself away from this nest and into the “real world.” We even went to pick up our new baby carrier (I’ll have Kris model it tomorrow and I’ll post a photo). I guess this means that we are now mobile and the rooming in stage is officially over.
I am so happy that we spent a full week at home. Kris left a couple times to pick up some things, but Kale and I stayed in, recovered from our labour, and enjoyed getting to know one another. I think this is a big part of the reason that parenthood has not overwhelmed us yet. We didn’t expect that we would be out and about and back to running errands and hanging out with friends days after the baby was born. We didn’t expect that the dishes and laundry would be done (although thanks to Kris, they were!). All we expected was that we would take the time to get used to our family of three becoming a family of four (yes, the cat is a family member).
happy birthday, sweet kale.
It’s been just over a week since Kale Michael Ellery Krahl was born. His birth was an unbelievably intense experience that tested the strength of myself, Kris and Kale. Every day, every second since Kale joined us has been absolutely incredible. I just don’t know how to describe it - it’s love times infinity. The walls of our house are just bursting.
I’ve kept blogs in the past. One while I travelled through Peru during my MA research and another that tracked the last few months of my pregnancy. I want this blog to be MORE than either of those. I want it to track all the special moments and the difficult moments and the days that go by too fast and even the one’s that seem like they’ll never end. It’s already been a week and Kale has started to show us his personality.
Here’s what I can tell you so far. Kale is super laid back. The longest we’ve heard him cry is about 3 minutes. Not a fan of being cold, he doesn’t enjoy diaper changes or baths - moments where he’s naked. He likes to pee when his diaper is off. He’s peed on me twice, Kris once and the midwife twice (although she’s much better than us at catching the pee in a diaper). He likes to eat and then he likes to sleep. Everyone gives us that “knowing look” - ‘ah, new parents - sleep deprived and stressed out.’ It’s true - I only sleep for two hours at a time because I have to get up and feed him, but I get up and feed him and then he goes back to sleep. We’ve spent all week waiting for some kind of explosion - for Kale to demonstrate every stereotype we’ve heard about new babies. But so far - nothing. It’s true. We have the perfect baby.
Yesterday he met his great grandparents, great aunt and second cousin from Kris’s side of the family. They all took turns holding him, talking to him and waiting for him to open his eyes. He was so content, sleeping the entire time. He is so loved.
We smuggled him out of there to get home in time so that we could stand in our bedroom - the very spot he was born one week ago - and sang him happy birthday. I may have turned 30 yesterday, but the real birthday was his.
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