beware of the baby trainers.
Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience" parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.
As a new parent, every book you read, every web forum you visit, and every person you talk to has a different opinion about how a baby should be cared for based on what they think their needs are. "They need be on a schedule." "You need sleep train at 6 months." "You need to give them rice cereal." "They need more than breastmilk." "They need to sleep in their crib." And here's the thing - when you're sleep deprived, struggling to breastfeed, and have just been slammed in the face with parenthood, everyone else sounds like they know what they're talking about.
Being a new parents is a tough job. Despite it sometimes feeling like everyone else knows exactly what they're doing, I think every new parent, including Kris and I, struggle to find the confidence to trust themselves and do what they think is right. I am so thankful that we learned about attachment parenting before we had Kale because it was the first time I'd read anything that told me WE were the experts on our baby. Sure, there were (and are) days that we would second guess ourselves and run to google for all the answers, but for the most part we ended up doing what felt right to us. Sometimes it took us awhile to figure it out and we'd look elsewhere for answers, but in the end it was Kale who knew it all.
The first few months of Kale's life were HARD. He was (and still is!) a very sensitive, demanding, high-needs little guy. I cannot imagine the hell we would have put ourselves through if we tried to impose a schedule on him, or tried to let him cry-it out in hopes of a good nights sleep.
Instead we let him take the lead. We learned from him. We responded to his needs. A baby trainer would say we "spoiled" him.
Now I'm not going to lie - letting a newborn Kale run the show was exhausting (phsyically, emotionally, and mentally). We carried him EVERYWHERE. We woke up in the night with him every hour or two. We held him, cuddled him, and reassured him when he would scream for hours. We followed his cues, we ignored the downpour of advice that was blatantly wrong for our child, and honestly - we crossed our fingers for a good result.
But here we are - one year later - and I can tell you that it was worth it. That we did the right thing. Because now we have an almost-one year old who is confident and independent, and who rarely shows fear or even tentativeness. As parents, we're accepting and receptive and no longer feel the need to look to "experts." It's a payoff that makes all those sleepless nights and tired arms and sore backs worth it.
